This tool is unavailable at the moment. Please try again later.
Start planning your production with a cost estimate you can save and share with your team. Just answer a few questions.
This estimator is only for amateur productions. Professional customers should contact the Licensing department directly to enquire about a title's availability: [email protected]
Important: The cost quoted is an estimate only and may differ when you apply for a licence.
A SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD. TITLE
Full-Length Play, Dark Comedy / 2w, 2m
Tom Baker, Clem Garritty, Natasha Hodgson, Zoë Roberts, Oliver Jones, David Cumming
Based on the book by Doctor Who’s Tom Baker, this madly hilarious, frenetic scream of a show, which includes shark-mauling beachgoers, burning vicars, and even waltzing rats, is a multi-roling masterpiece that tells the gloriously grisly tale of one scoundrel’s attempt at infamy.
13-year-old Robert Caligari is a nasty piece of work. But today is the day he gets his comeuppance. Today is the day he’s going to die.
When Robert kicks his sister’s beloved piggy bank Trevor out of the window, he sets in motion a chain of events that results in the unexpected demise of a local fishmonger. Having developed a taste for blood and sick to death of sneering imbecilic adults, Robert sets about becoming the real murderer he has always dreamed of being, all the while egged on by the newly-talking Trevor. Meanwhile, in the mind-numbingly boring offices of local paper The Kent Clarion, work experience student Philip Bottering wishes for something, anything, to report on – preferably a juicy disaster.
In the Wig and Thistle (all aged 70+) FRANK GRICE SALLY BILLY THE OLD SEA CAPTAIN
At the Kent Clarion THOMAS CROWE WENDY HORSEBOX PHILIP BOTTERING – (M, 15)
Residents of Vampire Close TED JUNE MRS MILK ROGER
At the Doctor’s Office DOCTOR NURSE
At the Beach DAVE – (Voice Only) CASSIE PEDRO MAMIYA SUNBATHER 1 SUNBATHER 2 SUNBATHER 3 JUANITA CHIHUAHUA
In the Wanted Ads AGNES BORIS LONELY TOM EUNICE TERRY THE FERRET MAN REGINALD FILIDIA GERTRUDE ADMIRAL
On the Motorway RADIO 1 RADIO 2 RADIO 3 RADIO 4 BUS DRIVER FATHER MATTHEW FATHER LUKE FATHER MARK FATHER JOHN MR PARP MRS PARP PARP JUNIOR
In Robert’s Lair CALLUM THE RAT FELICITY THE RAT
Authors’ Casting Note: The play was written to be performed by a cast of four, which involved several quick changes (on stage and off) and each cast member playing several characters. We’ve noted how these roles can be divided up in our note on original casting. While it would be difficult to perform with a smaller cast, it could be scaled up very easily. Characters have been grouped by scene/location to make it easier to see where multi-roling is possible. Genders and ages have been added only for characters where it is important to specify. “Voice only” characters, including Trevor, were originally performed live into a microphone backstage.
The show is designed for multi-roling and for fast-paced, physical performances. As such, gender swapping is encouraged (and, if performed by a cast of four, necessary), not in order to create “drag” performances, but purely to encourage actors to create as broad a range of interesting and fun characters as possible, without being restricted to only playing characters of their own gender.
The play was written to be performed by a cast of four, which involved several quick changes (on stage and off) and each cast member playing several characters. We’ve noted how these roles can be divided up in our note on original casting. While it would be difficult to perform with a smaller cast, it could be scaled up very easily. Characters have been grouped by scene/location to make it easier to see where multi-roling is possible. Genders and ages have been added only for characters where it is important to specify. “Voice only” characters, including Trevor, were originally performed live into a microphone backstage.
Various locations in Kent. The present.
“Inventive, clever, gruesome and hilarious… a twisted triumph.” – WhatsOnStage
“A mesmerising stage show… [a] biting script… The show is just as funny as it is frightening.” – Time Out
“Beautifully built with distinctive, fully-realised comic characters and a style that carries right through flawlessly… an unusual and entertaining piece.” – British Theatre Guide
“A very mature piece of work… a full-blooded, sharp-fanged retelling of Tom Baker’s twisted novelette about murder and mayhem in deepest, darkest Kent.” – Exeunt
“A very funny show, anarchic, energetic… with excellent wordplay, memorable character bits, and an unexpectedly heartbreaking climax.” – Londonist
“Inventive, clever, gruesome and hilarious, The Boy Who Kicked Pigs is a twisted triumph.” – WhatsOnStage
ON BREAKING CHARACTER
Adapting The Boy Who Kicked Pigs: A Q&A with Kill The Beast 6 November 2020
After God service, National Service and a spell in the Merchant Navy, Tom Baker became an actor. Widely experienced in film, theatre and television, he is most well known, in seventy-four countries, for his portrayal of Doctor Who. Tom Baker's well loved novel THE BOY WHO KIC ...
Natasha Hodgson is an award-winning writer-performer and co-writer and star of Operation Mincemeat, which won Best New Musical at the 2024 Olivier Awards and was nominated for Best Musical at the Tony Awards 2025. She was also nominated for Best Actress in a Musical at the Ol ...
Zoë Roberts is an award-winning writer-performer and cowriter and star of Operation Mincemeat, which won Best New Musical at the 2024 Olivier Awards and was nominated for three Tony Awards including Best Musical in 2025. She was also nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a ...
David Cumming is a member of SpitLip and a co-writer of Operation Mincemeat. An Olivier-award-winning, triple Tony-nominated writer/actor/composer, he originated the role of Charles Cholmondeley in the London Fringe, West End and Broadway productions, which also saw him nomi ...
Patrick Barlow, John Buchan
by Anthony Neilson
Anthony Neilson
by Timberlake Wertenbaker
Timberlake Wertenbaker
by David Wood, Roald Dahl
David Wood, Roald Dahl
by Anne Washburn
Anne Washburn
by Multiple Authors
Multiple Authors
by Philip Ridley
Philip Ridley
by Eugene Ionesco, Derek...
Eugene Ionesco, Derek Prouse
Patrick Barlow